There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
