so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
