OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if only i could text you this smell
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
