I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
