dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
