I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
