And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
