At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
