I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
