Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
