Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
