Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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