i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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