the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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