.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
