It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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