4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
