Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
