so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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