Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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