In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
