I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
