Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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