My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
