You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
two words: eviction party
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
