I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
