I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
