so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize