Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
