So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
