In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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