he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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