i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
