I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize