I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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