did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
