Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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