just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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