Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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