Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
