im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
