My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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