She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
