you guys were way drunker than both of me
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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