my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
