Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
