Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
