I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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