I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize