Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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