ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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