I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
