Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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