You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
