two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
