Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
