apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
