They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
