I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize