She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
