this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
