Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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