i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
