He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
