You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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