my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
