I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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