my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
