I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
