he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I forget how to act sober
Randomize