Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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