my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
