yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
