My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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