What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
