I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
