OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
