I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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