This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
