Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
