How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I enjoy the company of your penis
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
